What color flag do I wave?

My God, but this is hard today. My son's been sick the last couple of days. I am the most horrible father...even though it is the whole and extent of my social life. I'm not having a great Spring. For those of you keeping track at home, I concede the fight. I see no way to win. I'm uncool and remarkably stubborn about accepting help. Yet I am such a wretched dad. Yes, I know, I should leave here. I should go to where there is help. Maybe Colorado. The family could get together again. I could upgrade my parenting duties to include two children, and then be expected to "contribute". She calls a couple of times a week telling me how great it would be. Always with a new plan that appears to include me. She's not evil. My sister thinks she just lives in her own world. How many times have I said "I can't, it doesn't make sense for me in any way, no." But she doesn't accept it. Just keeps saying think about it. I tell her I have thought so much that my synapse is going to pop. I've written essays and flow charts and diagrams. The math does not go well. Even if I wanted to go, this is like the guy who finally gets out of jail only to be lured back in because it gets tough. I worked hard to be what I am, which is nothing but it's my nothing. I don't try to make my life seem exciting or glamorous, so it always pales in comparison to what M has for sale, which is everything. Come back to hell, please. You must have forgotten what it's like...it's warm and there are lovely shades and cool interesting people.. Here's to K. She got me out of the pit with M, though she doesn't think that. She did the right thing ditching my sorry ass. All I am is a father, and I suck at it. I really do. God send me some help, please.