Floating through the day, bumping along the ragged terrain of depression, I can hardly get myself to feel like I matter. I feel trapped in someone else's idea.
Hemmed in by the best intentions, meaning well, laying trap after trap, front-loading guilt...I'm sick. I'm sick with what I am not.
One thing happens and I see. One thing happens and I collapse.
Nothing here but a bed of sand where the water used to be. And the boats lie up against the dunes. And the living get sick and move away if they can; die anyway.
Come and see the smile! Come and listen to the stories of fun! Come and see the treasure! Come and see what meaning makes of a man!
If I love you I know what you are. If I love you I know where you are. If I love you I know what you do. If I love you we are becoming each other. I love you.
If I say I love you I am waiting. If I say I love you again I am ailing. If I say I love you ten times I am eating you. If I say it again you turn your face to the wall.
Hunting at the edge of the tall grass, I know what you are doing. I know who you are already and I know what would be best for you. I will control you by my fear.
Because you said you would stay but you didn't. Because you said you believed but you sinned. Because you wanted to grow strong but you let me taint you.
One thing happens and I see. One thing happens and I collapse.
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