Jealousy

So this is the way that these things work: ask and you shall receive. I was thinking about jealousy and how it seems not as much a problem as a natural by-product of love and lovers. But beyond the little box of feelings that is the trap jealousy is usually understood to be, is there another hidden question posed by the feeling? Then I see the possibility as the deeper inquiry: What is it that love dares the self to do? And armed this way, another level is approached. All is to be dared. There is the way that it was imagined to be before, and then there is the way the easy answer does not shine light onto. If I want to be the center of my beloved's attention, I am only halfway there, for the lover is an earthly representation of what a greater love can be like. Inhabiting the human frame limits the expression and palate of feelings to only what has been experienced before, where opening to a range of possibility that the feeling of jealousy suggests beyond the usual heartbeat of living brings the colors of the archetypical experience of all human emotions, including those that have not specifically been imagined by me, up to a quasi-shadow knowing. So this odd little nagging that can easily be felt as uncomfortable is also a beckoning to develop beyond what is known. It is a dare to become, through the knowing of smallness and pettiness and heartbreak, what could not have been understood without them. To strive after what can seemingly not be captured can be seen either as a fruitless endeavor (when understood as an end itself; we could also say "banging your head against a wall"), or it can be seen as a dare to our larger self to expand without comfort of achievement. Possibility grows the more levels you invoke. Satisfaction can only be fleeting if you are aware that there is such potential, and even in the mundane world of commerce and relationship, the signs of desire aim us in the upper directions. This is not to say there can be no satisfaction at all, for that lies in resting in who you are at this moment while at the same time feeling the tug and draw of whatever you believe is in store for you. It is just that so many times as these matrix feelings weave and unwind, we grow weary and long for the rest of ultimate knowing, if only for a moment, we think, that would be so dear. Loss and the inability to come to terms with that loss are as important to try to understand as how your dimension dovetails with those you are family with. Your growth enhances the growth of us all and what I can understand about my jealousy, while not immediately accessible to every person who feels it, adds one more iota toward the greater understanding of all of us. Every one of us who feels the tearing up of the hearts roots must try to look beyond the intensity of this specific emotion and, not reason with it, for it has no basis in the intellect, but search through the heart itself and try to discover what parts are not only unharmed, but actually glowing more brightly. This becomes the dare from some part unexplored to reach beyond what our communal presence can suggest. We move from simple to complex, and, though we do not understand why we keep feeling the jealousy return, each time we go into it, we go into it further and therefore we enter deeper into our essential being. We find a gradual readjustment of the way we have always thought everything should be. No longer satisfied that now love is lost to another, we expand ourselves to include the other as ourselves and love from that perspective as well, loving the experience as invaluable and necessary to our ultimate evolution.