Pay to play

It was a lively band night. Not sure what the difference is. There is an eminent sense of freedom in the swooping interaction between all the parts. We covered all the emotions. Soaring and screaming. We got nasty and we got simple. It was greater than fun. It meant something to meet these men on this plane. There was no fear, and clearly we had all been practicing on our own. It was like trysting with a lover who knows your body that you were convinced there was no future with anymore and fooling around and finding your light split open and exploding in delight. We played in a continual string with only brief breaks. We wore out. We smashed through our barriers and found each other on the other side.

My son was out riding his board for awhile early in the evening. He's been listening to the band for two years. He skated up to me during a break and gestured for me to bend my head down. Then he murmured, "Now you guys sound like a real band."

At one point, Jon was showing me a progression he wanted to work with and the garage door opened and there were suddenly 10 people standing in our space gawking and smiling. We played on after a brief scramble of senses. One of the women who was with the group likes me and had brought a friend. I'd chatted with her on one of my excursions to the house. She has designs. Still, I'm emblazoned with task. I want more of myself than surfing from distraction to hope. I don't need anyone to think I should be or do anything. I've got life work on my mind. I've got a black notebook in my pocket filled with sketches. I've got black keys in my fingers filled with longing. I've got a black voice in my mouth smoky to lay across the melody.

All the pain of life and love. Failed endeavors and misunderstanding. Hope and fear and sex and dreams. How long have I controlled my passions in trade for someone else's security when there is none? I turned my face to the ache. I know the names of my heart. I call them out in my work with a moan and a slur. I lure her, tempt her with the sweetest of siren songs, muse of my longing, voice of my soul. My ear bends to know every note of your song.